10 Mar Why you feel behind in life and what to do about it
Good Morning!
Let’s jump into something personal today
Why it is that you feel so behind…
From the moment we step into school, we are conditioned to believe that life should follow a neat, upward trajectory. You graduate, get a job, find a partner, buy a house, have kids, grow in your career, and then retire comfortably. This idea of “progress” mirrors the way we think about economic growth—constant, linear, and ever-expanding. But life doesn’t work like that.
In reality, life moves in chapters, not in a straight line. Some chapters are about rapid advancement, while others are about introspection, failure, waiting, or even starting over. Just because one chapter looks different from another doesn’t mean it’s worse. It’s just different.
Think about an athlete recovering from an injury. Their performance may seem stagnant compared to their peak, but that phase is critical for their long-term success. Or consider someone taking a break from work to care for a loved one. From the outside, it may look like a step backward, but in reality, it’s an irreplaceable part of their journey.
If you judge your life by an imaginary progress bar that should always be increasing, you’ll constantly feel like you’re failing. Instead, try to see your life in seasons. There’s a season for planting, a season for growth, a season for harvest, and even a season for rest. Each one is necessary, and none is superior to the other.
Comparison Is a Losing Game
Comparison is the thief of joy, but more importantly, it’s a useless metric. Most of the time, when you feel behind in life, it’s because you’re measuring yourself against someone else. But what if they’re on a completely different timeline?
Take marriage, for example. Some people get married at 23, but divorce at 30. Others marry at 40 and have lifelong, deeply fulfilling partnerships. Some people have children in their early 20s, and by their 40s, they’re empty nesters. Others have their first child at 45. There is no “correct” timeline. There are only different paths.
Let’s look at careers. Vera Wang didn’t start designing wedding dresses until she was 40. Samuel L. Jackson didn’t land his breakout role until he was 43. Harland Sanders (better known as Colonel Sanders) started KFC at 62. If these people had given up in their 30s because they weren’t “successful enough,” we wouldn’t even know their names today.
The problem with comparison is that it’s often based on incomplete information. We see someone’s highlight reel and compare it to our behind-the-scenes struggles. We assume that their success is permanent and that our struggles are unique. But in reality, everyone has ups and downs. Some people peak early. Some people peak late. Some people reinvent themselves multiple times.
Instead of comparing yourself to others, compare yourself to who you were last year. Are you more knowledgeable? More resilient? More self-aware? Those are the things that matter.
The Third Thing You Haven’t Thought About
Here’s something you may not have considered: You don’t actually need to be “ahead.” The idea that you must always be advancing is built on insecurity. If you weren’t constantly bombarded with messages telling you that you need to be richer, fitter, more successful, would you even feel behind? Or would you just be content with where you are?
Think about the happiest people you know. Are they the ones who are always striving, always anxious, always trying to “catch up”? Or are they the ones who have learned to appreciate their current season, whatever it looks like?
A lot of feeling “behind” comes from not being present. We obsess over what we don’t have yet, rather than embracing what we do have now. The people who feel the most fulfilled are often those who have learned to enjoy the process, not just the destination.
This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have goals or work towards them. But it does mean that your self-worth shouldn’t be tied to how fast you achieve them. If you can find a way to be content with today while still building for tomorrow, you’ve already won.
Have an amazing week,
M.T. Omoniyi
A Quick Note Before You Go
I’ve written over 200 free pieces like this—helping people rethink their lives, push through their struggles, and grow into the best versions of themselves. Up until now, I’ve done it for free. But to make this sustainable, I’ll soon be introducing a small monthly subscription fee. Nothing crazy—just the price of a coffee a month
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