01 Sep Why Making Friends as an Adult Feels So Hard (and How to Do It Well)
When we were younger, friendships seemed to fall into our laps. You sat next to someone in a lecture, lived down the hall from them, or played the same sport, and suddenly you were friends. Proximity and free time did most of the heavy lifting. But adulthood changes the game.
The older we get, the fuller life becomes. Jobs, family, responsibilities, and the endless list of things that require our attention. In all of that, friendship doesn’t vanish, but it does become something that needs to be pursued with greater intentionality.
I’ve come to realise that most people don’t lack the desire for friendship — they lack the margin for it. It’s not that they don’t want meaningful relationships; it’s that their lives are so tightly packed that there’s no room left to cultivate them.
Creating space for friendship
One of the most practical things I’ve learned is this: friendship grows where space allows it to. It will not flourish if I’m constantly rushing from one thing to the next.
So I’ve started creating deliberate pockets of time and opportunities where friendship can take root. For me, that has looked like joining running clubs, hosting dinners, and planning retreats with like-minded believers. Each of these requires effort, it would be easier to stay at home, but the fruit has been worth it.
Sometimes the simplest acts open the biggest doors. I’ve invited people to small things: going for a walk, joining a prayer call, or reading a book together. More often than not, those little steps have turned into deep, lifelong friendships.
Proverbs 18:24 says, “A man who has friends must show himself friendly…” That verse challenges me. It reminds me that building friendship isn’t passive. It requires me to put myself out there, to initiate, and to welcome others into my life.
The risk of vulnerability
Friendship always carries risk. To open yourself up to someone else is to risk rejection, disappointment, or even hurt. However the alternative, isolation, is far more costly.
I’ve had to learn that vulnerability is the gateway to meaningful connection. Shallow interactions don’t require risk, but they also don’t bring life. Deep friendships do. They require us to show up honestly, and to give others the chance to do the same.
Another lesson I’ve embraced is the importance of prayer in this area. Relationships aren’t just social connections; they are one of the primary ways God speaks, shapes, and strengthens us.
So I often ask God: “Who are the people I’m meant to walk closely with in this season?” And when He highlights someone, I take it seriously. I pursue that relationship intentionally. I treat it like a treasure to be stewarded.
Friendships are not random. They are sacred gifts. Some last for a season, others for a lifetime, but all of them have the potential to shape who we are becoming.
If you’ve been feeling the ache of loneliness or the lack of meaningful friendships, here’s the invitation: make space. Carve out margin in your week. Be willing to take small risks. Pray for God to guide you toward the right people, and then take the initiative to invite them into your life.
Friendship doesn’t just happen anymore. Not in adulthood. It grows when we treat it like something worth cultivating.
The gift of friendship is one of God’s greatest ways of reminding us we’re not meant to do life alone. Let’s steward it well.
A closing note
This is the last digital issue in our friendship series. Over the past few weeks, we’ve been exploring how friendships shape us, challenge us, and carry us. My hope is that you’ve been encouraged to build deeper, more intentional relationships, and to see them as one of the great treasures of life.
We’ll be moving on to new themes in the weeks ahead, but this one is worth coming back to again and again. Because when you look back years from now, it won’t be the to-do lists or deadlines that defined your life, it’ll be the people who walked with you
Have an amazing week
New Co-Working Fridays
We are launching something new at Common Sense
We’ve all been there: trying to work from home, only to be interrupted by the doorbell, the laundry, or the irresistible urge to reorganise the kitchen cupboards. Productivity? Gone.
That’s why we’re opening our doors every Friday to our community for something new: Focus Fridays.
It’s simple — bring your laptop, your ideas, and whatever you’re working on. We’ll bring the space, the coffee, the Wi-Fi, and a community of people who are all trying to get stuff done too.
Think of it as co-working with better vibes. Mornings are for deep work. Lunch is a shared break. Afternoons can turn into collaboration, conversation, or just quiet grinding side by side.
Whether you’re building a start-up, editing a podcast, plotting world domination, or just trying to finally finish that presentation — Focus Fridays are here for you.
📍 Common Sense Studios, Woolwich
🕘 Every Friday, 9AM – 6PM
☕ Free coffee & Wi-Fi included
So if your home desk is looking at you funny, or you’re tired of fighting for space in coffee shops, come join us. Let’s focus — together.
My Interview with A Spy That SNUCK Into The IRANIAN Regime
In this episode of The Common Sense Podcast, journalist and political analyst Catherine Perez-Shakdam shares her extraordinary story of gaining access inside Iran’s regime, where she moved through some of the highest circles of power. She unpacks what she saw and learned, offering rare insights into the realities of extremism, propaganda, and political manoeuvring in the Middle East.